Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
- It’s called Sosumi.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
- She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
- Not enough cement.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
- His partners.
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
- Nothing. There are some things even a pig won’t do.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
- Removable wingtips.
Why did God make snakes before lawyers?
- To practice.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.